Realization Movies, Motivation

Earlier today on Facebook, I made an open-mouthed status. Something I probably shouldn't have plastered. Though this connects to the entirety of the world as well, I don't know where else to put it.

"I just have so many frustrations and yet for the life of me, I don't see any. I know I may seem like a happy, crazy, and deluded woman, but in some ways, I am so not. "No one is perfect." That's a phrase used way too many times. I know I'm not perfect. And there will be times where saying this will be tiring and tedious but... I'm tired of being weak, being strong, putting barriers, not putting barriers, being gullible. I'm just tired of it all.

The question is... what the hell am I doing?"

I just finished a movie called Girl In Progress. It's coming-of-age and realization movies that really get to me. Watching this film tonight made me realize something. I'm still in that coming-of-age process.

Yes, I know I have responsibilities as an adult - but I don't feel like an adult. I'm in my mid-20s; I know I'm not supposed to have anything figured out. But I feel even more lost when I try to figure it out. I have talent, but it seems I have no motivation whatsoever to make anything happen.

Yes, writing is something. My YouTube channel is something. This blog is something. But I want to be known to the world before I'm 30. I don't want my name plastered everywhere. I just want to be recognized by at least ten people who are not from my hometown. I want my talents to be recognized. I want to be proven that I can at least do something right. Is that so much to ask?

So again, I ask the million-dollar question everyone asks to themselves.

What the hell am I doing?